Ghosts

People often talk about seeing ghosts or as though they feel like they have. I am not always convinced. Don't get me wrong, I have had my share of odd things happen. But for the most part there was a very much more feasible explanation as to what happened. Sometimes there isn't. But mostly there is. For me. The one that I don't know about too much (mostly because I was very young at the time) is what I will share with you now.

I was very young. I think about 2 and 3/4s. My brother had been born just a couple of months before. We were over at my Nans (my Mums Mum) for Easter. Being a rather independent young person I was allowed into the garden to find my Easter eggs by myself. It was deemed to be safe as the whole garden was enclosed, with house on one side, garage on another, 10ft high wall on one more and a large hedge on the final side.

Dad hid the egg and came back into the house to set me off. About 5 minutes later I reappeared in the doorway to the house with the egg. Everyone was a bit confused by this as Dad knew I had a knack for finding things and had been a bit tricky with the egg. He thought he had put it somewhere out of my reach. So they asked if I used a stick to get it down. I said no and started to open the egg. They then asked how I managed it. I said a man had helped me.

Before I could move Dad was out of the door and into the garden looking for this person. Meanwhile Mum asked me what the man looked like. I am told that I could offer no explanation, I just pointed at the picture of Grandad on the mantelpiece and said it was him. Mum and Nan were shocked. Grandad had been dead since Mum was 2.

Its A Set-Up

People often try to set me up with dates. This isn’t something that I feel I need, although it isn't something I am particularly adverse to either. If I needed dates I would make myself attractive to women. I’m not stupid, most women don’t like beards. Or silly moustaches. Or the way I wear baggy shorts and worn out looking t-shirts most of the time. But that is how I feel most comfortable. No, should I be bothered about the whole thing I would have started to wear my shirts, and jackets and trimmed my hair and beard alot more. For the most part me being set up is largely pointless as I have not been fussed enough to make an effort over my appearance even for long enough to make an initial good impression. Occasionally they appreciate that I am a real person underneath it all, and we have a bit of a conversation. Normally it is around this point that I have heard enough from them to realise it won’t go anywhere as I am already bored of them.



I’m not making a good case for myself here am I? From the previous paragraph it would seem that I am not just a homeless looking man who is continually lazy and grumpy, but one also prone to rudeness towards people who are trying to be my friend. This I hasten to point out is not the whole state of affairs. I just don’t see the point in talking to you if you have nothing to say that interests me, or if I have nothing to say that interests you. Let’s be honest for a second, when was the last time you had an enjoyable conversation with your great aunt for instance? Presuming that she isn’t dead or deaf you probably have less than two things in common. And those are just that you are both living humans. So what do you have to talk about..?

I suppose I should also point out that I do like women on the whole. Their company is often appreciated, alongside their bodies (generally). They tend to offer a completely different set of interactional potentials to men. Men like to talk about beer, sport, and boobs on the whole. And tend to think in straight lines (if I can cheekily steal an idea from David Eddings with no-one noticing) and women think in circles. I mean this almost literally. For me this means they can be amongst the most unpredictable, interesting, irritating, and amusing conversationalists available.

Sometimes these set ups do go well. In one instance I actually managed a whole seven dates (I use the term “date” loosely here, sometimes they were just pre-arranged meetings with intent...) before something happened. And then it wasn’t even me who called things to a halt, which made a nice change at the same time as being rather disappointing. Nevermind.

The eventual point I am wordily rambling towards here is that I am now wondering about two things. The first – does my continued bachelorhood offend people in some way? And the second – am I really getting a bit too old to continue batting away any potential interested parties purely because I can’t be bothered with them? At some point in time a long term partner or wife would be lovely and children too. I know that as yet I am not old, but I am also (as with all of us..) doing the proverbial “not getting any younger”. So I dilemma then.

Answers on a postcard to the usual address please.